I'm calling out Beeyotch-Ass players for their Beeyotch-Ass acts.

Basketball is a man's game. You got motherfuckers scratching, clawing, shooting guns and shit...and that's to just buy a pair of Air Jordan 11s. Then when you actually play the game, you have to constantly be watching out so you don't get punk'd on the court by some shitheads who think that THEY are MJ, White Chocolate or fucking AI. Then you got to deal with the assholes who sweat like chinese coolies working on the railroad and 100% of the time they fucking stink like a $2 whore after a $100 night. And that's playing with foolios on the playground! So what kind of man do you have to be to play in the fucking NBA, the greatest league in the world, the greatest athletes in the world. Well, recently, some of the so called 'elite' players have shown...a somewhat less flattering image to the world. They have shown that being tall, rich, black, and athletically gifted doesn't automatically mean to have a pair of brass balls when it comes to being a man on the court. I submit the following with some succint commentary by me:

#1 Carmelo Anthony shows how they do it in Baltimore where he's from. I guess Baltimore is full of wanksters scared to fight.

-26 second mark-Anthony sucker punches a NY Knick and proceeds to run backwards down the court.
-36 second mark-Anthony has reached mid-court, still back-pedaling from the infuriated Knick player. WTF? He just set a new record for Bitch-Ass Back-Pedal From Baseline to HalfCourt time.
-46 second mark-Anthony isn't even in the picture anymore! Where is Carmelo? That motherfucker I think fucking ran into the stands! Wow, that's unbelievably...bitchlike.

Beeyotch Grade: A
-Melo totally moved from Wannabe Gangster to complete Wankster in the span of 20 seconds.
-He did a great job in showing the world that Baltimore is filled with bitch-ass marks that will sucker punch and run from a fight in record time. Kudos Melo, I glad that wearing baggy clothes has helped hide your menstrual period, but the truth is out you little beeyotch.

#2 Kevin Garnett starts a fight with Antonio McDyess. Then miraculously transforms into a white man fleeing from a angry black man. This shit is priceless. KG thought he was hard; the hardest thing in KGs house now is the erection on his dog.


Beeyotch Grade: B+
-KG tries to defend his teammate by first pushing and then tossing the ball at McDyess. First of all that was a bitch shove. If your going to push a man, FUCKING PUSH a man. No wussy-ass flailing at someone like your Suzie Rotten-Crotch on the playground. Then he tops it off by barely tossing the ball at McDyess' chest from 2 feet away. WTF KG? You think after those two wankster ass moves McDyess isn't going to have your ass now? He know's your a bitch and he's out for blood.
-Once McDyess advances on him in a menacing manner, KG transforms in the Bob from Accounting and starts backing the fuck up. But he's still trying to hold on to his masculinity by a thread, but it backfires horribly on him. KG throws a weak, girly right hook in the general direction of McDyess' collar bone. Maybe he has been listening to too much Wu Tang Clan shit and thought he has hitting a pressure point? Naaawwww, KG's a bitch. His manhood was scooped out and sold on eBay when he decided to stay in Minnesota and be Glen Taylor's bitch.
-KG grades lower than Melo because at least he stayed on the court, abeit behind teammates, coaches and officials. That's worth about a Warm Bucket of Spit.

#3-Dwayne Wade. This shit is solid-fucking-gold. You would think that being protected by the refs would have kept him safe. But what happens when little Dwayne hurts his little shoulder?

-Cry you little bitch CRY. WTF is this little bitch ass crying about? I've seen KIDS cry less when they're hurt.
-And WTF is up with the wheelchair. And they didn't just wheel his ass to the locker room either-he went straight into a fucking AMBULANCE in the wheelchair. Here's some photographic proof:
Beeyotch Grade: A++++
-Wade's a beeyotch and now there is no doubt. This mewling, slobbering Wussy is getting crucified all over the intertubes. Read this shit from the SuperiorPics forum:

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

Doctors cannot examine Wade's injury because everytime they touch him, they get called for a foul... 13 doctors have already been fouled out and sent home for the night... STAY TUNED!!!!!!

Stay tuned for some more NBA Players That Are Beeytoches Awards.

Kirk's got something for that ass...

It has been brought to my attention that SnapOffMode has been talking shit about Capt James T. Kirk of the Star Trek: The Original Series. It seems that he has a man-crush...err is a fan of one Capt Jean-Luc Picard, he too of the USS Enterprise only 80 years later in the shitpile Star Trek the Next Generation. I submit that Capt Kirk is the quinessential man of the 20th century, that he has done more for the TV show and indeed all red-blooded men everywhere than anyone else in the past 30 years. We all owe him a debt that can never be paid. This will take me several posts since Capt Kirk's greatness cannot be contained-it'll needs to be free and strong-like Kirk's loins. Let us begin.

First I'd like to point out that Capt Kirk fornicated with woman from across the galaxy. Many people object to this. The reasons are many: How is sticking your tongue down a alien's throat helping anything? Hasn't he contracted galactic syphllis yet? Isn't a Star Ship Captain supposed to set an example for his crew? All these questions are bullshit. Capt Kirk was a man's man. He took what he wanted when he wanted it. He was on a fucking FIVE year mission and the there are only so many hotties in a 400 person crew that a man like him could hit. And those chicks were off-limits (Except maybe Yeoman Rand, who got assaulted by the evil half of Kirk's personality in The Enemy Within, even then she admitted under questioning that she would have still let Capt Kirk hit it) So Kirk, like any visionary, had to look to the stars to get his groove on. But it was all in the line of duty. This was his way of spreading the values of peace, love and unity that embodied the Federation.
This is but a small sample of the aliens, androids, clones, psedopods, balls of alien shit, interdimensional whores, gaseous aliens taking human form and Capt Kirk has had to seduce, pimp, tap that ass, knock boots. He even went back in time to seduce Edith Keeler in 1928. Many times he has had to use his considerable amount of inter-stellar pimp skillz to save his life, the lives of his crew, and even the Enterprise itself. Who the fuck else was going to do it? Chekov? McCoy? Sulu? Scotty? Mr Spock? It had to be the Capt. This picture here doesn't even begin to show how many space slores he nailed. Capt Kirk did his duty. And if it involved him tea-bagging a green haired alien hottie, then so be it.

Until next time beeyotches...

Hate, Hate, hate everywhere...

Here at WTF Foolio, we love to rant about shit that deserves ridicule, derision and plain old shit talking. So sometimes I read something that makes me laugh, chortle, and all that good shit.

Over at SFGate, the SF Chronicle website, they have a section called the Daily Dish. It's basically a gossip column about celebrity news and tidbits. Well, SFGate started allowing readers to leave comments on stories and the Daily Dish was no exception. Today there was a article about everyone's favorite skank, Paris Hilton. Here's the blurb:

Paris Hilton celebrated her 26th birthday in Las Vegas over the weekend with two dates.

The star celebrated at sushi restaurant Nobu with her sister Nicky, Nicky's boyfriend David Katzenberg and Nicole Richie and Joel Madden.

According to veteran Hollywood gossip columnist Janet Charlton, Hilton had two dates for the evening, former boyfriend Stavros Niarchos and Brandon Davis.

The socialite was seen hopping between Niarchos and Davis, alternately kissing one, and then the other, between bites of sushi.

The cozy threesome also reportedly shared a room at The Palms Hotel and Casino

Well I started reading some of the comments left by the citizens of my fair City and started laughing because some of the shit they left was funny as hell and since I do want to entertain my readers I'm going to reprint some of the better ones:

1. That's nice that people with herpes can find partners who have it too..er..don't mind!
2. Cum guzzling scuzz bucket. Semen belcher. Oh, lord, I just grossed my own damn self out.
3. I guess it takes two to fill er up these days, eh? sorry, poor taste. couldn't resist.
4. after her b-day celebrations, her next cosmetic surgery will be to put an elastic drawstring on her snatch to keep her organs from falling out.
5. I doubt these little twinks would know what to do with her body. She played it safe.
6. So, which one got the sloppy seconds?
7. Good question Drewby. I think the first guy in this case is getting sloppy 467ths.
8. "inbetween bites of sushi"? I imagine she was saying, "Get used to the smell boys"
9. She is so gross. I wish she would pull an Anna Nicole and just drop dead.

Ahhh San Francisco, you gotta love it. Where the streets run red with H8torade.

Tim Hardaway: Asshole of the Month Feb 07

Jon Amaechi comes out of the closet so Tim Hardaway gets on the radio and loses his mind:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known, I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States..."
"And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that,"

WTF? Wow that's some h8ter-aid shit right there. Does Hardaway want to be a contributor on WTF Foolio? Fuck no! This dude a Class-A Asshole. Let's try a little experiment. I'm going to replace the word gay and homophobic with some other 'words' and see what it looks like:

"You know, I hate black people, so I let it be known, I don't like black people and I don't like to be around black people. I am a racist. I don't like niggers. They shouldn't be in the world or in the United States..."
"And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that,"

Damn, that sounds like some shit Cletus down in Mississippi would be saying, not a millionaire black athlete. No one has ever accused Hardaway of being the sharpest tool in the shed, but this quote is just plain Assholio Shit.

Hey Hardaway, when the shit starts flowing out of your mouth, you may want to close it. It's 2007, not 1950. You were the 'T' in RUN TMC, now your a punk-ass idiot lumped in with John Rocker, Rush Limbaugh and Jimmy the Greek.

The only difference between you and a bucket of shit is the bucket.

Retired S1Ws Recalled To Active Duty

S1Ws on close protection duty for Public Enemy circa 1990

Reading The Onion and came upon this article about the S1Ws from Public Enemy getting called back into active duty. Man, this war in Iraq is tearing this country apart. Here's a snippet:

"I got a letter from the P.E. the other day," said James Bomb, 46, also a former S1W. "I opened it, and read it, and said they were suckers. They want me for their army or whatever? Picture me giving a damn—I said 'Never.'"

Article here

Pic of the Day 2/14/07 AnchorMan Edition

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is one of the funniest movies of all time. And one of the scenes was the 'gang' fight between competing news teams from Greater San Diego. Pictured here is the lead anchor for the Spanish language channel, Arturo Mendes, played by Ben Stiller and his crew of vatos.

Some observations:
-Check out some of the weapons that the news crews are carrying, they are all funny as hell but some stand out: Brian Fantana in Will Ferrell's crew pulls out a revolver, and spins the chambers to make sure it's loaded. The fact that it's the only gun anyone pulls out is funny enough, but this rumble's absurdity level just got kicked up a notch. Ferrell himself pulls out a fucking 2 foot long chair leg out of his jacket like he keeps it there in case he gets caught in a rumble. In Vince Vaughn's crew, the guy next to him pulls out a 4 foot long length of chain from inside his polyester suit like a fucking magician.
-The Channel 2 news team then shows up, led by Luke Wilson. One of his minions is carrying a fucking 3 foot long BROADSWORD like a fucking viking. Wilson himself is armed with a lead pipe with a rusty saw nailed to it. Another has a stick with a pair of scissors embedded in it for that extra umph!
-The Public News team shows up next led by Tim Robbins. "No commercials, No MERCY!" One dude is armed with a hatchet, another is fucking holding a lacross stick with nails attached to it.
-Finally, the Spanish channel news team shows with with Ben Stiller. Of course they got a latin flavor to their weapons. Stiller himself keeps it real by wielding a whip like Zorro. Another dude's carrying a fucking machete while holding a mexican rattle in the other hand. Of course they all are wearing their butterfly collars on the outside of their jackets.
-Basically, this clip is just one funny scene in a movie filled to the top with them. Enjoy beeyotches.

Pic of the Day 2/13/07 Friend fighting Friend to the Death Edition

Spock fucks up the Captain in a Vulcan mating ritual gone horribly wrong.

Here's the original fight in all its glory, from the episode Amok Time:



And in one of the greatest movies ever made, The Cable Guy, Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick, battle it out in this unforgettable tribute to the greatest friend on friend action of all time (From SnapOffMode):

Pic of the Day 2-12-07: Mondays at work suck edition

I hate Mondays. And I especially hate Mondays where you have some chirpy co-workers asking you how your weekend was..."and OMG you won't believe what my terrible kid did this weekend and yadda...yadda". I wish I could wear this pic on a card around my neck. Get yourself a cup of STFU beeyotch.

Colorado: Hell on Earth or misunderstood Shang Ri-La?

The Rocky Mountains, mile high altitude, skiing, Denver Broncos, Jolly Rancher candy; There are alot of great things to like about Colorado. That was before the fucking residents went ape-shit and all kinds of crazy and sick shit started happening. Lets recap shall we?

April 20, 1999 Littleton, CO-Columbine High School Massacre - Two punk-ass white boys decide they're getting off the Matrix and take as many people with them as they can. They fucking aquire an arsenal of weapons and homemade bombs under the noses of their oblivious parents and attack the school. Result? 13 dead, 24 wounded, and Littleton, CO becoming a fucking national symbol of clowning for the rest of this century. The only solace we have is that since the two fools committed suicide instead of getting a broomstick up the ass in prison, their getting a pitchfork up the ass in Hell.

Burn in hell cocksuckers

Summer 2003 Eagle County, CO- Kobe Bryant is accused of rape while there to get surgery on his knee. Dumb motherfucker then threw teammate Shaquille O'Neil under the bus when questioned by the cops, saying that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women not to say anything" and already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this."

Kobe and his victim err...date

Dec 26, 1999 Boulder, CO-6 yr old JonBenet Ramsey is found dead in her parents house the day after fucking Christmas. NO ONE knows what the fuck happened to her. Her parents are fingered by the Boulder Police. What ensues is a unholy feeding frenzy of TV interviews, press conferences, lawsuits and rolled eyeballs whenever the words Boulder and Colorado are heard in the same sentence . Also the fact that JonBenet's WASP mom put up her in creepy 'child' beauty pageants, was just another bizarre twist to this fucked up story. In the years since no one is arrested and the cops have no suspects. Then some freak American pervert err...teacher in Thailand claims he fucking killed the kid. But it then turns out even though dude is a deranged pedophile, he could not have possibly done the crime, since he hasn't mastered the art of being a pervert in two places at the same time. Busted for being a moron! To this date, no suspects, no arrests and its been 8 years and counting. Hooah! That's justice!

The parents and the poor child. Look at this shit, she never had a chance. Rustle them up in heaven JonBenet, rest in peace.

Sept 2003 Denver, CO - Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker Joey Porter is shot in the ass as he stands outside a downtown denver nightclub. He uses the experience to motivate his teammates. Watch near the end of this one-minute clip:



Jan 1, 2007 Denver, CO - After attending a New Years Eve party at a downtown Denver nightclub, Denver Bronco player Darrent Williams dies like a G, shot down while in his stretch Hummer in a hail of bullets in a drive-by assassination. Ironically celebrating his teams elimination from the playoffs, the amount of angst and bewilderment over Williams' gatting lasts a unusually long time since about 1000 young black men have already been gunned down in Oakland, CA in 2006 alone without nary a ESPN Sportscenter segment on them.

A fine, upstanding pillar of the community this guy was, no doubt.


April 8, 2006 Denver, CO - Denver Nuggets rookie guard, Julius Hodge, is shot three times while driving home from a downtown Denver nightclub. Since he neither died from his wounds or played in the Super Bowl, so no one gives a fuck. Sorry Julius.

***Photo not available** hahaha

Jan 12, 2007 Littleton, CO - A private investigator from Littleton, CO, Bryan Grady, pleads guilty to identity theft and conspiracy in connection with the HP spying scandal. Fuck, even with shit happening in another state, Littleton, Co can't catch a break.

***What's the point in even posting a picture of this loser?***

Dec 26, 2006 Fort Collins, CO - Teacher Carrie McCandless is accused of doing 'everything but sex' with a 17 year old student on a hiking trip when she was suposed to chaperone. The pair reportedly made out in cars, the woods, dry humped next to another sleeping student, drank grain alcohol and Jack Daniels, smoked dank, exchanged notes even after the trip-including 75 text messages in one day, and they never had sex.

Teacher of the Year.

That's quite a list of criminal acts and generally fucked up behavior. I could have gone on for more, but I'm lazy. Colorado has set the bar pretty high for other states to beat them in the Fucked Up News category. Does the high altitude alter human brain waves in Colorado? Sort of like Bizarro Aurora Burealis effect, but instead of cool lights in the sky, people just go plain fucking crazy? I have relatives in Denver myself and they are decent God-fearing people. I hope that none of this crazyness touches them.

My cousin K-Dog, who was raised and still lives in Denver, is tripping off the shabby treatment that Colorado receives. I feel for her, but damn, you can't ignore the motherfucking empirical knowledge I've just fucking dropped. Colorado has a worst rep than Mississippi. When was the last time you heard of the KKK killing someone last year? Colorado's screwed. If I was the governor, I'd cringe whenever I opened up the morning paper. It's enough to stick a sharp pencil in your eye.

PS: Watch the hell out if your a black athlete in downtown Denver. You will get fucking shot, that's a scientific fact. A strange phenomenon called "Catching a bullet in Denver-itis". THEY SHOT ME IN DENVER!

This is your brain on drugs..ERR video games

From reader ChiuBacca a year back: Here is FPS Doug playing CounterStrike: Source. Sadly I rock it like FPS Doug once in a while playing CS:S and AA. Uhh there's nothing wrong with that. And this is just some crazy video on the InterTubes...yeah right. Anyway, don't laugh too hard.

Pic of the Day 2/8/07 Real Men of Genius Edition

When I first saw this pic, I laughed for 5 minutes. Gets me everytime I see it. Seems like some folks were messing around in a office somewhere. Now this dude's a Internet legend. Here's to you Cheap-Handless-Cellphone-Headset Guy.

I have no clue why....(sentimental moment...be forewarned)

...as I was in bed last night and couldn't sleep, an image from the past popped into my head. It happened when I was in first or second grade about the time when the actor became president. I remember my mom had just bought me this beautiful kite. She had regaled me with stories from her youth about making kites and flying them in the breeze. Believe it or not, there were even stories about these kite battles that took place where two kites would dog fight in the air until the life line was severed and the winner went home with two kites. My kite was beautiful. It wasn't like the good ole' Ben Franklin stick a key on it and I'm going to get cooked style. I was Asian and that meant it had to resemble a dragon. And boy did it! It had a tail that seemed to stretch 100 ships long and it flew higher than birds could fly.

Anyhow, one day I'm out flying my kite by myself. I was like 2 ft tall (maybe less) and flying a 100 ft kite. The wind was coming out of the hills like a hurricane and I didn't have school the next day. Life was good. All of the sudden, I tripped and lost handle on the spool of line. I panicked and jumped to my feet looking for it. The kite was pulling it away from me....and fast...So fast, in fact, that by the time I was able to reach the spool, it was stuck in a short tree on the highest branch. Now you're thinking...no biggie, just climb the mother fucker and get your kite back. You're Vietnamese! Tree climbing should be easy for you considering you've had all that practice stealing your neighbors fruits from their trees....Shit Foolio! That's what I was thinking to myself. But as I jumped and jumped for the lowest branch, I began to realize the folly of my Asian blood....I'M TOO DAMN SHORT to reach the lowest branch. So I did what any kid would do in that situation. I started cryin' my eyes out like a baby who just had their candy taken from them.

I didn't know how long I was there but eventually a Chinese man walking his dog walked past me. (you're wondering how I knew he was Chinese...are not all kids taught to fear the boogie man? but I digress) I thought he was going to help. I mean, who wouldn't help a little kid in a dire situation like that right? WRONG. Fucker kept walking. Right underneath the tree too. Now, this isn't like one of those giant redwood trees. It couldn't have been more than 15ft high...but still ....he kept walking. I swore at that very moment I'd never eat chow mein again...Bastard! So I started cryin' some more. Some time later, this white lady jogger comes up to me and says what's wrong? I pointed to my kite (which was still flyin' in the air). She then jumped on to the lowest branch and to the next and to the next until she was at the spool of line. This was the first time I had seen an adult climb a tree and let me tell you...it ain't a pretty sight..... She looked like she was going to fall and break something...or worst...lose my kite. Anyhow, she got hold of the line, came back down and handed me the spool. And as she handed me the spool, i noticed that her hands were bleeding all over the place. Nothing serious but just lots and lots of small cuts from climbing the tree. She smiled at me and was on her way.

Now this may sound stupid...but at that point...it was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me....someone I didn't even know....a stranger... And I think it left an impression on me.....that Chinese people are bad and that White people can be good. I just wanted to write this to put it down somewhere that there was a woman who helped a little boy and more than 20 years later....I still remember you.

Here's what this bitch-ass, trick-ass little disgrace SHOULD have said in his press conference today...

Thank you everybody for coming today. I have a statement that I would like to read. As all of you know, I did not accompany my unit for deployment to fight in Iraq. First I told you guys that I believed the war was illegal and that's why I was confined to base, hanging around headquarters like a Two-Dollar basehead waiting for a trick. But today I would like to tell you the truth. And the truth is...I'm a just a little biatch. I'm literally and figuratively a YELLOW coward. You may find it ironic that a asian man is calling himself 'yellow' but it's a double-entrende, since my back is as yellow as Benedict Arnold's.

Yes, I refused to go to Iraq with my platoon of soldiers that counted on me for my leadership. And yes I admit I accepted a commission and I accepted a promotion to 1st LT, and I accepted a posting to a infantry, combat unit. But that doesn't mean shit to a back-slider like myself. I know now that I should have never joined a profession that uses words like Duty, Honor, Country. I mean, do they use words like that in like, you know, regular jobs? I don't think so. And I do not appreciate being called names like punk, pogue, trick, pillow-biter, traitor, mark, rat-bastard, shithouse lawyer, bitch-ass punk, trick-ass mark, fucking goddamn rat bastard or any other combination thereof. I mean grow the hell up people. I have to look out for all the rest of the Army, all 99.9% of them that have not realized the truth like I have. This whole Army, guns, death business in the Middle East is not what I signed up for. The daily reports of carnage and mayhem in Iraq is exactly the kind of stuff that I can change, back here in the rear, with the gear-so to speak. You can be I intend to disgrace err...speak-out on the illegal war out there. I am going to fight this court-martial as hard as my former platoon is probably fighting in Iraq. Thank you.

The highest view count on YouTube is this shit?

14 million views and counting for this video. WTF

-Ta is this real or not?

Pic of the day Feb 6th

Is this some crazy shit or what? This motherfucker deserves anything he wants

I don't even have words to describe this story. Pretty funny too.


Subject: Letter from the Afghan Front
2/4/2007 12:21:05 AM

Hi everyone.

I'm still alive but freezing my tail off. We got 8 inches of snow last week and it reached 5 degrees below zero that night. That's not why I'm e-mailing though.
You may have heard about a suicide car bomb attack in Kabul last Thursday. It was at one of our FOB's (Forward Observation Bases) about 27 miles from here.
But the real story is why no one was killed.
We employ several thousand Afghans on our various bases. Not to mention the economy that is fed by the money these locals are making. Some are laborers and builders, but some are skilled workers. We even have one Afghan that just became OSHA qualified, the first ever. Some are skilled HVAC workers.
Anyway, there is this one Afghan that we call Rambo. We have actually given him a couple of sets of the new ACU uniforms (the new Army digital camouflage) with the name tag RAMBO on it. His entire family was killed by the Taliban and his home was where our base currently resides. So this guy really had nowhere else to go. He has reached such a level of trust with US Forces that his job is to stand at the front gate and basically be the first security screening. Since he can't have a weapon, he found a big red pipe. So he stands there at the front gate in his US Army ACU uniform with his red pipe. If a vehicle approaches the gate too fast or fails to stop he slams his pipe down on their hood. Then once the gate is lifted the vehicle moves on the 2nd gate where the US Army MP's are. So he's like the first line of defense. Last Thursday at 0930 hrs a Toyota Corolla packed with explosives and some Jack Ass that thinks he has 72 Virgins waiting for him approached the gate.
When he saw Rambo he must have recognized him and known the gig was up.
But he needed to get to that 2nd gate to detonate and take American
lives. So he slams his foot on the gas which almost causes the metal gate to go up but mostly catches on the now broken windshield. Rambo fearlessly ran to the vehicle, reached thru the window and jerked the suicide bomber out of the vehicle before he could detonate and commenced to putting some red pipe to his
heathen ass.
He detained the guy until the MP got there.
The vehicle only exploded when they tried to push it off base with a robot but know one was hurt.
I'm still waiting for someone to give this guy a medal or something. Nothing less than instant US citizenship or something. A hat was passed around and a lot of money was given to him in thanks by both soldiers and
civilians that are working over here. I guess I just wanted to share this because I want people to know that it's working over here. They have tasted freedom. This makes it worth it to me.

JOHN, CPT , US ARMY

Afghanstan is a place that many of us could only imagine in our dreams. Alot of good is being done over there. I hope that Rambo is taken care of.

I know this is out of left field but...Why the fuck is The Gap fucking slipping?

Aight beeyotches, I ain't no fashion plate by any means. The last time I went shopping for clothes was for a funeral. I ain't no metro-sexual wussy and I ain't no asian wankster. But there is some shit that bothers the fuck outta me and thats the crazy shit going on with the Gap right now. It seems like the 50th fucking executive has bolted from that motherfucker in 3 months. Gap's been around since I was a kid, shit, my entire fucking family is clad in Gap, Old Navy and Banana. I'd be walking around buck ass nekkid if it wasn't for them. Shit was cheap, looked fine and the fucking stores were everywhere. And earlier in 2000 they were fucking legit, their ads made you feel good about wearing Gap shit like these:






Looking at that shit now, it is fucking obvious that Apple has stolen Gap's fucking mojo. First it was that 'Think Different' campaign, remember?



How different was Apple thinking when Gap was running shit like this already at the same time:


Apple's blowing the fuck up with their iPod ads:


But do you remember these Gap ads:

They are just Gap ads in black silhouette!

Same demographic, same target audiences, Apple took that fucking mojo quick style and are fucking raking in the $crill.
Gap better get off its ass. Cheap motherfuckers like me need their quasi-upper-middle-class cachet to not appear to be the cheapskate that I am. Where the hell am I going to get 3packs of seasonal boxers for less than $10? Fucking Wal-Mart? Get your shit together Gap: Azn motherfuckers are counting on you.

Super Bowl thoughts from the Nghiemesis

Some of my thoughts from the Super Bowl:

-All I wanted to do was watch and see what Prince did. So I did not even turn on the TV all day until 2-3 minutes before halftime.

• Fireworks start popping off at the stadium. My daughter looks up from her dolls and asks whats going on. I tell her that Prince is coming on. She then asks "..if he's the prince then where's his crown?" Damn kids...I don't answer her.
• The show handlers unleash the 'crowd' to rush the stage. This sweating mass of humanity have about 100 ft to run across until they make it to the stage. One camera shows a delirious middle aged white chick rushing past. Uhhh...c'mon beeyotch, this shows gonna last 10 minutes then your ass is gonna be escorted straight to the Joe Robbie Stadium loading docks where they will 'release the hounds ' in five minutes unless your ticket-less ass gets the fuck on out. Is your life so devoid of joy that this glimpse of Prince's crotch is worth that?
  
• There are two of Prince's hoes dancing around him starting with the opening song of 'Let's Go Crazy". They are dressed in black, puffy, boa-like jackets and black pirate, thigh boots. They are dancing WAAAAAAYYYYYYY too close to Prince. Even dancing in front of him. WTF? And they dancing not all sensous and sexual like Princes hoes usually do, they are dancing all Tina Turner crazy and shit, like they are at church, getting possessed by the Holy Spirit or some shit at the afternoon service of the Airport Boulevard First Church of the Savior. Then there's some other black bitch hanging off to the side, dressed in a white cat-suit with a fucked up round topped helmet, singing back-up, gyrating by herself. Whose fucking idea was those three beeyotches? When the fuck did Prince need a back-up singer?
  
• Prince plays some shit I don't know in the middle of the set. A marching band comes out. This really piques my daughters interest especially when those fools start glowing in the dark. She's all up in it now. I hope Prince doesn't do some crazy shit and then I got to lie to my daughter to cover it up.
  
• Then Prince changes guitars to the one pictured, I know that the last song is coming-which one is it? Purple Rain. He starts tearing it up on the guitar. The stupid dancers disappear. Prince is where he should be, by himself onstage-unless he's got some nekkid chicks thrusting their breastes and/or crotches up on him like the old days. Today is not that day. But this makes it all worth it. He tears that biatch up and shows everyone why he's the fucking Man.
• When he's done with the song what does he do with the guitar? Ta if you don't know your a biotch.
• Aight, the last part saved the entire set for Prince. And the games still sucked donkey scrotum, just like I thought. See ya next year beeyotches.
  

The NBA has got to get off of DuhWayne Wade's testicles

Watching the Super Bowl in Miami today, it reminded me of a rant I wanted to get of my chest:

First watch these three videos courtesy of YouTube:


AND

AND


Here are my thoughts on this bullshit:

• What.The.Fuck
• I don't remember falling asleep for 4 years and waking up to find out that DWAYNE FUCKING WADE has given the status of 'Untouchable' in the NBA.
• The examples here are nothing compared to the shit that went on in the NBA Finals last year. If I was Mark Cuban, I'd hire a fucking straight platoon of pipehitting, former Spec Ops dudes to fucking kidnap Wade and go to work with a 'blowtorch and a pair of pliers'
• If it wasn't so blatant, it wouldn't be too bad. I mean, even the greatests players got away with shit now and then. But Wade's nut riding is ridiculous. How long has he been in the league? 3-4 years? WTF? He's getting calls that HoFers could only get.
  
• Even motherfuckers over at ESPN are tripping the manlove that Wade's getting. This excerpt is from a chat log with columnist Chris Sheridan:
  

Oliver ( NY):
Isn't it great to be able to make 9 FG and get 41 PTS? I LOVE THIS GAME!!! I wish Kobe would get even half the calls Wade gets. MJ's greatness was aided by "superstar" calls or no calls, sorry, but Kobe gets half the treatment of a wade or Lebron, why?

Chris Sheridan:
You're preaching to the choir here, Oliver. every single night D-Wade gets three gift whistles (which even LeBron and Kobe don't get) at a minimum, and one or two late whistles, too. He's treated as preferrentially as Jordan was at the peak of his game, and it is infuriating to watch (unless you're a Heat fan). And I say all that being one of the biggest D-Wade guys around, a Marquette grad even. But it's just plain unfair to see one guy get such special treatment. It takes away from the game.

• I can't watch Heat games anymore, because whenever there's a whistle, 10 to 1 it's Wade getting fouled.
  
• Hey Wade, you have been added to the "I'm A Beeyotch!!" list.
  

Uhhh the Truth hurts...like a overstretched g-string on a fat bitch

Man, I don't know where to start here...

• The good thing is that is you stay exclusively in a urban area, say San Francisco or New York, you have a good chance of seeing freaks like the one on the left-white, black, asians, any race of the finest, female flesh in the world.
  
• The sad thing is, you only have to drive a couple miles outside San Francisco into Marin and the East Bay to start seeing gastropods like the one on the right. Even worse, you know how the Earth is covered 70% by water? Well, in of 95% America, your chances of being struck blind by gelatinous, quivering, jiggling, flabby fat chicks are 5 to 1. For you non-gamblers those aren't good odds.
  
• I know there are hot chicks in America. The problem is that many of them only have a small window of hot-ness in their lives. For some it might last only one, two years in high school or college, for others? Maybe it last long enough for them to land a husband but that's a double edged sword because thats also the same period of time when they'll get impregnated, thus ending the hot-ness period prematurely. For others it never comes, the hot-ness period short-circuited by fast food, canned meat, epic spam binges, midnight baloney/jelley sandwiches and so forth. For some they parley the hot-ness period in a career in movies. For the rest of the world's females? Their...uhhh normal human beings.
• Do they even sell thong underwear in that size? Who the fuck would manufacture a thong in that size? What evil motherfucker would do such a thing? It's a goddamn crime against humanity, God and the fucking Queen. Were a bunch of designers sitting around in a room in Shitlick, Kansas allocating thong underwear to Wal-Mart, Target or Costco and said to themselves "We're not serving the fat demographic! Get the designers in here! We need a line of size XL thru XXXXL thong underwear stat!"
  

Pic of the Day Feb 1st

I don't know who's girl this but I got two words:

PERFECT GIRLFRIEND

The Purple One...will live forever

Since the Superbowl is upon us, its time to talk halftime entertainment obviously, because the game is going to suck the sweat off a donkey's scrotum. This year Prince will be performing. Everyone has their impressions of Prince:
Androgenous She-man

Jheri-curled-Lace Be-decked charlatan

Nevertheless, true motherfuckers know that Prince is one of the biggest pimps/guitarists/artists in the last 20 years of music. I don't think anyone will deny that the motherfucker has got nine-lives like freaking cat. You don't start recording back in the 70s and still be relevent almost 30 years later. And no one doubts Prince's hedonistic lifestyle, his straight craziness-just look at the motherfucker, he's liable to lick you up the side of face or give you the stinkeye with his freakish eyes and perfectly trimmed facial hair. David Chappelle and Charlie Murphy did a sketch about crazy Prince from the 80s. Don't pull a muscle laughing.