Fucking SnapOffMode is playing with FIRE

Cpt Kirk can't die because Heaven isn't big enough for his BRASS BALLS

You know how you joke with your friends, but there are some areas are just off-limits? Well for me its the usual shit, it goes like this:

Don't talk shit about my wife, kids, family of course. Then it kind of veers off into a fucking area that will get you fucked up.

One of these areas is Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. I truly believe that he was the manliest man in the entire fucking galaxy. He would have kicked Chuck Norris's ass, then fucked Chuck Norris in the ass-not because he was gay, but because he was such a fucking bad ass and he was totally comfortable in his manliness.

So, I'm away from the blog for a bit and then I see this shit? WTF Foolio? It's all easy to clown on The Kirk. I mean, he's got his haters and shit. I thought SnapOffMode was a little more enlightened. I thought wrong. So for the next couple of weeks, keep a eye on this page. Motherfucker's are going to be broken off.

Kirk's got something for that ass...

It has been brought to my attention that SnapOffMode has been talking shit about Capt James T. Kirk of the Star Trek: The Original Series. It seems that he has a man-crush...err is a fan of one Capt Jean-Luc Picard, he too of the USS Enterprise only 80 years later in the shitpile Star Trek the Next Generation. I submit that Capt Kirk is the quinessential man of the 20th century, that he has done more for the TV show and indeed all red-blooded men everywhere than anyone else in the past 30 years. We all owe him a debt that can never be paid. This will take me several posts since Capt Kirk's greatness cannot be contained-it'll needs to be free and strong-like Kirk's loins. Let us begin.

First I'd like to point out that Capt Kirk fornicated with woman from across the galaxy. Many people object to this. The reasons are many: How is sticking your tongue down a alien's throat helping anything? Hasn't he contracted galactic syphllis yet? Isn't a Star Ship Captain supposed to set an example for his crew? All these questions are bullshit. Capt Kirk was a man's man. He took what he wanted when he wanted it. He was on a fucking FIVE year mission and the there are only so many hotties in a 400 person crew that a man like him could hit. And those chicks were off-limits (Except maybe Yeoman Rand, who got assaulted by the evil half of Kirk's personality in The Enemy Within, even then she admitted under questioning that she would have still let Capt Kirk hit it) So Kirk, like any visionary, had to look to the stars to get his groove on. But it was all in the line of duty. This was his way of spreading the values of peace, love and unity that embodied the Federation.
This is but a small sample of the aliens, androids, clones, psedopods, balls of alien shit, interdimensional whores, gaseous aliens taking human form and Capt Kirk has had to seduce, pimp, tap that ass, knock boots. He even went back in time to seduce Edith Keeler in 1928. Many times he has had to use his considerable amount of inter-stellar pimp skillz to save his life, the lives of his crew, and even the Enterprise itself. Who the fuck else was going to do it? Chekov? McCoy? Sulu? Scotty? Mr Spock? It had to be the Capt. This picture here doesn't even begin to show how many space slores he nailed. Capt Kirk did his duty. And if it involved him tea-bagging a green haired alien hottie, then so be it.

Until next time beeyotches...

Pic of the Day 2/13/07 Friend fighting Friend to the Death Edition

Spock fucks up the Captain in a Vulcan mating ritual gone horribly wrong.

Here's the original fight in all its glory, from the episode Amok Time:



And in one of the greatest movies ever made, The Cable Guy, Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick, battle it out in this unforgettable tribute to the greatest friend on friend action of all time (From SnapOffMode):

Where no black man has been humiliated before...

Why does the black dude on Star Trek: The Next Generation have to wear some fucked up, Federation issued, birth control devices/beer goggles? If I was LaVar Burton I would have sued Paramount and Gene RoddenBerry for making me look like a moron for 7 years on TV and 4 feature films. Spock had his ears, but everyone knew he was the real power on the bridge and the smartest officer in the Federation. Giordi La Forge was nothing but a cyclopian minstrels in space.
Burton went from Kunta Kinte to Token Negro In Space all in one career. Motherfucker should have stayed at Reading Rainbow. At least he could have kept his dignity.