Snatchin' Pebbles Biatches!

Ahhh yes, a seminal moment in kung fu history, Master Kan telling the young orphan Caine to 'snatch the pebble' Some facts about this scene from TVAcres:

According to The Kung Fu Book of Caine by Herbie J. Pilato (Charles Tuttle, 1993), Radames Pera shared his memories of the pebble scene. "Everytime Philip Ahn offered me the pebble, I was able to take it out of his hand. I didn't mean to do that...But everytime he opened his palm...you'd hear (the director yell) 'Cut', because it wasn't there." To solve the problem, director Jerry Thorpe instructed Pera to telegraph his hand movements so Philip Ahn could shut his hand in time. After some fifteen takes, the scene was completed. The popularity of the series gave Philip Ahn multiple opportunities to recreate this pebble scene with his admirers, especially those who visited the Moongate, his Chinese restaurant. There, children would present themselves to Mr. Ahn and ask to "snatch the pebble" from his hand. The generous actor/entrepreneur obliged and gave many a youngster a happy remembrance of snatching the pebble from the sage Kung Fu master.

Man, how cool is that shit if you were a kid at the restaurant and you saw Master Kan sitting there, chilling in his restaurant. Then rolling up on him and getting to snatch the pebble out of his hand like Carradine in the TV show? Fuck, the possibilities would be endless: You could walk into Will Ferrell's jazz bar and make him eat a dish of dog shit, just like in Anchorman! You could roll up on 24's Kiefer Sutherland as he sits in the Fox offices, accuse him of being a mole and scream into his face "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!!"

Pic of the Day-Jan 31

When you got into a bird, the pilots didn't say shit to you, you were lucky if you even saw them. It was the enlisted crew that told you what to do. This pretty much sums it up nicely. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Remembering the song that started it all...and one little city called Compton, the Shining Beacon on a Hill

When I heard NWA's album "Staight Outta Compton" back in 1988, that shit blew my mind. Where the fuck did this shit come from? Who the hell were these guys. Why are they so fucking angry? Where can I get this shit?

Of course there were thug-ass dudes that you heard about, but no one ever talked about them except if one of your mark-ass friends bragged about a gangster they knew or had one as a relative. I remember Cheo Brown, in elementary school, talking about Crips and Bloods in hushed tones in the cafeteria, like he was scared a thug was going to rise up out of a steaming pot of creamed gruel and fuck him up on the spot.

Naw, this NWA shit was straight eerie because it real. These dudes weren't dressed-up, jheri-curled(except of Ice Cube and Eazy-E, but hey-they hid their shit under a hat), high-top faded, S-curled pretty boys, dancing and shit. They were angry motherfuckers, and they spent the entire video running from the police and making menacing trigger-pulling gestures at the camera. They resonated with me because they looked just like the black dudes you saw when you rolled thru shitty parts of town; thru the ghettos that everyone avoided (like Martin Luther King Blvd in any city in the US). I got the feeling that they were talking about crazy, real shit that happened all the time in that mythical city of Compton, where only gangsters lived and everyone wore LA Kings and LA Raiders gear day or night, 365 days a year. Had everyone ever heard of Compton before NWA? I hadn't, and I was hooked. So if you never heard of Compton before and watched the video for Staight Outta Compton, you would think that Compton was in Beirut or some shit. Normal shit didn't happen in Compton-you could stand there all day and watch groups of gangsters running away from groups of cops. I hit up YouTube to jog my memory and found this shit

NWA was a fucking paradigm shift in rap. Oh yeah there were MCs before that spit about the 'hood and shit. But did they crack $bank$ like NWA did? Did they freak out American society like NWA did? NWA grabbed America by the both sides of it's head, slapped it around and made America look. Look at the ghettos, the destitution, the crime. And these dudes didn't give a fuck. They were laughing all the way to the bank when all those white suburban kids were buying their album by the millions. And me too. And literal army of imitators have followed them, all claiming some other ghetto as worse or even more fucked up than Compton. Neighborhoods in New Orleans, East St. Louis, Detroit, New York, any urban area in the US practically-all bullshit. You motherfuckers are all beeyotches trying to ride the nutsack of NWA and Compton.

• Check this shit out by folk singer Nina Gordon. She fucking sings Ice-Cube's part like it was fucking Simon & Garfunkle or some shit. And to her credit she fucking kills it. No bullshit, props to her for keeping it real. Natalie Merchant ain't got shit on her.
• Watching this video again, I know all you people remember your feelings when you heard/saw it for the first time. What did you feel? Revulsion? Shock? Agreement? Or did you bob your head at the beats, the scratching and the reckless rhymes by Ice Cube and Eazy-E (fuck MC Ren, that B-Team shithead)
• The cops in the video are fucking comical. White, mustachioed, mulleted, ready to fuck a nigga up in a heartbeat. Lounging around in vacant lots around Compton, polishing their batons, and ready to roll in a moments notice to round up "the element".
  
• When Eazy-E is rapping, watch when he's in the storm drain. If you look up and behind him, there are hundreds of motherfuckers lining the upper rails looking down on him. Brilliant. That's straight subversive imagery if I ever saw it. Like they have some sort of following and Eazy-E is one of the high priest or some shit.
  

Fuck Tom Brady: This time its Personal

This pic says all one thousand words that I want to say about this no good-overrated, trick-ass, mark-ass, punk-ass, wussy (half wimp/half pussy), little beeyotch. I got a special place for the likes of his sorry, Tuck-Rule, wannabe Montana ass. This motherfucker is from Pinole, when is the last time you saw a cowboy there?

Pic of the Day

This is for all the shitheads trying to 'help the children' by legislating against 'violent' videogames. Let's try an another idea: LET PARENTS RAISE THEIR OWN GODDAMN KIDS, YOU ASSHOLES. Yeah I'm talking to you Jack Thompson-Ichiban asshole.

"What did the five fingers say to the face?"

A couple of observations about this skit:

1. David Chappelle was one funny motherfucker when he and the writers for the show were on their game.
2. Charlie Murphy is one of the most fearsome looking black men in Hollywood today. He's like the black version of Danny Trejo. But he's as funny as Chappelle in this episode. He makes it work with his wild-story-telling style. But dude looks like the Bizarro Eddie Murphy. I think people look at him and think: Man I recognize that guy...fuck he looks kinda scary...damn he's funny though...is that Eddie's brother?...that is one crazy looking black motherfucker...
   
3. On the Season 2 DVD for the David Chappelle Show, they included more uncut interview time with Charlie and that shit is funny as hell. Dude has got stories that would make a dead man laugh. When you hear about his experience at a Earth, Wind and Fire concert in the 80s, you have to think to yourself "Why didn't anyone die?" That has got to be one helluva story.
   
4. I can watch this shit all day and never get tired of the Wong Fei Hong kick that Charlie gives James into the dresser in his hotel room.
5. When Rick James is grinding his feet in Eddie's couch? A moment in WTF Foolio History. What.The.Fuck? I couldn't even imagine that happening in my house, to my new couch. To paraphrase Charlie Murphy "Rick looked us right in the eye as he dug his feet into Eddie's couch-Fuck your couch nigga, fuck your couch! Best.Line.Ever That's going to be the new c'est la vie, but WTF Foolio style. I hear it now "Man, why don't you help me with my taxes?" "Hell no foolio...uhh...fuck your couch nigga"
   

Oh and the subject of Chappelle going crazy after they gave him that phat contract? That's for another day.

Where no black man has been humiliated before...

Why does the black dude on Star Trek: The Next Generation have to wear some fucked up, Federation issued, birth control devices/beer goggles? If I was LaVar Burton I would have sued Paramount and Gene RoddenBerry for making me look like a moron for 7 years on TV and 4 feature films. Spock had his ears, but everyone knew he was the real power on the bridge and the smartest officer in the Federation. Giordi La Forge was nothing but a cyclopian minstrels in space.
Burton went from Kunta Kinte to Token Negro In Space all in one career. Motherfucker should have stayed at Reading Rainbow. At least he could have kept his dignity.

WTF Foolio? Look at this dude...am I going to have to fuck somebody up?

Just. Look. At. This. Picture.

Some questions pop up in your mind:

1. Is this some kind of fucking joke?
2. What army could this ball of fat be in?
3. Seriously, is this a joke?
4. Do they really make Load Bearing, Tactical Vests in that size?
5. Is that a kid's helmet or is that dude's head that fat?
   

Answers: No, no, no, no and fucking no

After digging around the intertubes, I found out some more about this...specimen. The mastadon here is playing soldier with his airsoft gun. What's a airsoft gun you ask? It's a fucking bb-gun thats what. People roleplay like they are in a army, with these airsoft guns as their weapons. You can read more about it here. That's right, a glorified bb gun, just like the Red Rider BB-gun that Ralphie was after in A Christmas Story. Apparently its really popular in Japan, where I hope to God this guys lives because if he's in America, I will hunt him down like the baby elephant that he is. He's fucking playing soldier with a fucking bb-gun. He's wearing all that military gear that he probably bought online because he's too embarrassed to walk into a Ranger Joes, has a $500 replica M-4 Carbine that just shoots bbs?

You want to talk about weekend warriors? These airsoft freaks are so pitiful they make the pogues in the National Guard and Reserve look like fucking Special Forces Green Berets! Airsoft is the closest that this gelatinous lump of shit can get to a army, unless he drives by a military installation. The only positive he's doing is testing out the stretching capacity of the side panels of that overmatched TacVest that he's wearing. Somehow I don't think his massive girth was the ideal template that the manufactuers had in mind when they designed it. This fat body must find pants confining. This dude should be running around in a poncho, muumuu, jumpsuit, unisheet, muslin body roll, or academic or judicial robe, not woodland camouflage BDUs. Fucking fatburger.

I had the misfortune of finding more than I ever wanted to know about airsoft than is healthy. They have to be the most pathetic bunch of shitheads in my recent memory. You have a fucking war going on in Iraq and you have these idiots posting on message boards shit like this and this! Here's a sample post by one of those assholes:

Post some pics of your US Marine loadouts. Even though I know all of them will be desert ones. I would still love too see them. And the first who has a Marine Force Recon loadout gets a cookie.

This post got fucking over 100 pages of replies. This was posted by this asshat here. Looks like the next Audie Murphy right? More like broomstick up the ass bait.What the fuck kind of fantasy world are these fleshlumps living in? Fucking real men are putting their ass on the line everyday all over the world so shitbird here can sit in front of his computer and spew that shit? Someone gimme a knife so I can shank a motherfucker.

***Also found this story of a bunch airsofters almost getting killed by the local cops for 'playing soldier' in the streets. They had every available cop from the entire area converge on them, thinking something very bad was happening. Too bad they didn't get shot down like the dogs they are. This world would have been a better place if they did. Fucking Darwin failed us that day.***

Did Reuters fuck with this picture too?

/start sarcasm

Some Joes in Iraq, terrorizing the the population again. Those fucking stormtroopers have no shame. Those Iraqi people are probably just trying to cross this bridge when Dubya's running-dog-Gestapo-US Army thugs ran up on them and probably start demanding money or food or probably sexual favors from the woman. They are obviously terrified. There are probably 20 other soldiers pointing their weapons at them, forcing them to smile at gunpoint, it's sickening. Thank God we have photographic proof of this criminal shit going on over there. It was probably a Reuters photographer who bravely took this Pulitzer Prize worthy pic. Those guys are known for their journalistic integrity and courage. Bring our soldiers home so me and my cronies..err fellow-activists can mock...err speak to them!

/end sarcasm

Seriously, all you Joes serving this country of ours, keep up the good work. As Drill Sergeant Blossom said "Stay Alert, Stay Alive"

Pic of the Day-Jan 25

WTF? Between the eight of these guys and all the medals they have been rewarded, you would think they conquered the galaxy or some shit. Fucking Commies.

The Eagle has landed

First I got to get a shout out to my boy Terrell Owens. Here's a pic of "The Catch II". Once he caught that pass from Steve Young, he got DOTTED by two Packers and still held on to the winning catch. No one could take a hit like T.O. All haters can suck a fat dick.



Aight, back to tonight's regularly scheduled programming:



What is WTF Foolio? Well let me explain in two parts:
What
The
Fuck

If you have never heard that term before spelled with that acronym, then get the f*ck off that computer and let someone who knows how to use one get on. Your probably a f*cking troglodyte anyway and your stealing oxygen from the rest of us.

Now that we've got that out of the way, what is Foolio? It's just a play on the word fool. I like calling people foolios. As in "What's up foolio?" Back in 1993 when I was in college I used to work at Nordstrom in the SF Centre. There was a restaurant on the 2nd floor called the Pub. There we had a sous chef named Johnny. A short, stocky, Mexican, ex-con sous chef. He had prison tats up and down his arms and torso, he liked wearing wife beater shirts, sported a f*cking Mexican mullet and rocked vato flannel shirts, I mean all that La Familia shit. But when Johnny was at work he was all business- he wore the cook's blouse, those checkered cook pants and was polite to everyone, even the shithead Anglo waiters who used to fuck with us lowly busboys and cooks. Anyway Johnny was the dude that called people foolio, but he had his pattern. If he was calling you foolio, that meant he wasn't mad at you, which meant that you could go into his kitchen and eat anything you could get your hands on. If he didn't call you foolio, then well...you had better not make eye-contact with him because he would have probably shanked you with a sharpened spoon.

Ahh the memories.

So these days I use foolio as a term of endearment-for my homies and co-workers that I like. So I'm upholding the tradition that started with good 'ol Johnny, ex-con sous chef at Nordstrom.

Put both terms together and you got WTF Foolio, my blog. I'm a observant person. I go about my day not bothering anyone. But when I see something weird, jacked-up or fucked up-the first question that comes to my mind is "What The Fuck Foolio?" So I'm putting these observations in the ether. If you don't like it too bad, go here and get your rocks off.

As Dr. Dre said "The motherfucking saga continues..."