NBA Draft Lottery: Embrace to Suck you beeyotches in Boston and Memphis

Its Official: The sky is falling, it has started to rain frogs and shit, the river water is turning to motherfucking blood in Memphis and Boston. Has the Apocalypse begun? Naww, today the NBA Draft Lottery took place and those two cities took a kick to the collective sports nuts. The reason there is a draft lottery in the first place is that teams do not tank games to purpose to try to position themselves higher draft position. Someone forgot to tell Memphis and Boston that. In the closing days of this past season, these two sad sack franchises put on a display of 'winning by losing' that would have shamed Pete Rose. It was pathetic watch these two teams 'compete' for the worst record in the league for a shot at Greg Oden or Kevin Durant. Boston GM Danny Ainge about creamed his pants and shit trying to shmooze Durant's mom at the Final Four. Shit was so blatant that the NBA had to publically call his ass out. Coach Doc Rivers benched starters with 'injuries' for the last 10 fucking games. Memphis canned their coach and hired some shmuck named Tony Barone? You tell me if your can even point to Memphis on the map much less name the head coach of the Grizzlies.

The city of Memphis is just fucking pathetic. Look at these headlines leading up to today:

Why the Grizzlies NEED to win the lottery

In the NBA, one player can make a difference

When pursuing top pick, it helps to have a little heart

Here's why the Grizzlies want the No. 1 pick so badly

Jesus, why don't the hicks in Memphis just get off their knees and and their lips off of David Stern's dick. These headlines just scream "We suck, we are just a town of broke-dick ass-slack-jawed-yokels, please oh please give us a good pick in the lottery?" You know I'm not surprised-90% of the population of Memphis are used to playing the real lottery every payday anyway. Fucking losers. Memphis sounds like a town that if your from there and someone asks about your childhood, you lie and tell them your from Dallas or some shit. What a shitty sports town. the name of their piss-ant newspaper is the Memphis Commercial Appeal. WTF Foolio? Is that a goddamn business trade magazine or the only major newspaper in Memphis?

But Boston is a different in a altogether more unpleasantly pathetic way. Here are some choice quotes from the Boston Globe website within 30 minutes of the fucking lottery ending:

Bob Ryan, columnist-

Who did what to whom? Was it decided that 16 championships in 30 years was somehow unfair and obscene and that enough was enough and the Celtics are never going to get another break again and that's that?

Because that's what it looks like. Nothing else can explain how the Celtics continue to suffer the wrath of powerful unseen forces determined to make their lives miserable.

Peter May, columnist-

After salivating for months over the prospect of either Oden or Durant wearing Celtic green for seasons to come, Danny Ainge and Co. were dealt a hammer blow by the Ping-Pong balls. The Celtics will end picking up fifth -- the worst-case scenario -- in next month's draft.

Jesse Nunes-

The Ultimate Nightmare has come through for Celtics fans. Not only do we miss out on the two guys who are head-and-shoulders above everyone else in this draft, but we miss out on the next two best players after that. Al Horford and Yi Jianlian may not even be possibilities now.

Number 5? Are you kidding me? Even the most pessimistic Celtics fan couldn't have envisioned such a catastrophic result.

and some comments from Celtic fans:

Here's to another decade of missing the playoffs.

I swear to god I knew we had the 5th pick. It is sick I turned it off.

GOD I FEEL SO NAUSEOUS!!!!!!!!!

For god's sake FIRE DANNY! The one thing he's been able to do was tank the season, and that got us a fifth pick. FIRE DANNY NOW!!!

just sickening....they can not catch a break. This makes me sick to my stomach....see you in another 10 years.

My house is like a morgue right now. This is one of the darkest days in Boston sports history.

Its because that moron tommy heinson was there, i was hoping he would have a heart attack when they showed we had the 5th pick

Jesus, you'd think the president died frmo all the moaning, bitching, lamenting of the Celtic faithful.

I love the NBA. After 16 years of suckitude from the Golden State Warriors, Boston Celtic fans can now bend over and get the broomstick for a change--assholes.

End Communication