Hey for all the Fellas: Video of the Day

Some stacked, random chick on Youtube dancing her ass off. Enjoy.

Video of The Day: That's What She Said...biotch Edition

Funniest parts of the NBC show The Office is the running "That's what she said..." jokes. Here's a compilation. Enjoy biotches

 

Huffpo columnist Jason Notte has a hard hitting article on the origins of this glorious joke.  

The Greatest Lie the Devil Ever Told...

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The Kitchen Sink or the Fuck-it-I'm-writing-about everything-post

This is a post about nothing. That's right nothing. I have not written anything decent in a long time. Well time is up beeyotches. Put your shoes on and follow me.

1-Barack Obama was elected our president on Nov 4th. I never believed that racist-ass America would elect a black man(you can argue all day if Pres Obama is really black, like Charlie Murphy black, but fuck all that, he's black.) president. As you can tell from my prior posts, I disliked the Republicans so much, especially after McCain announced Palin as his running mate, I had to vote for Obama. I started doing some research on my own, just so I could get a read on this dude. Everything I found out was cool, refreshing and actually nice. I concluded that this was one of the smartest men in American politics.

That was before I even heard him speak.








I cannot remember the last time I even listened to more than a few seconds of what a politician had to say. It was all background noise. But listening to President Obama for the first time was a shock to the system. My thought process was in overdrive, ping-ponging everywhere:

• This dudes got a nice sounding voice.
• He is not talking politician jibber jabber either.
• This motherfucker is smart.
• This motherfucker is making sense.
• Holy shit is he talking to me?
• Man, is this what it feels like to have heard John Kennedy talk? Even...MLK?
  

That fool made me care about what is going on outside of my front door. Seriously, my generation sucks. We are told that we don't believe in shit, that we were Generation X blah blah ...that we were the children of the information age, that we grew up in divorce, drugs, economic uncertainty, etc... Basically we were a bunch of assholes. Obama told us to forget that shit, we're Americans, we can change shit if we want to.

We have been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Yes We Can biotches.

2)My boy SnapOffMode used to post with me here. Apparently, he's after some trim and wanted nothing 'incriminating' hanging out on the Internet on him. Well buddy, this is for you:

I only care about your safety and well-being. God bless.

3-I'm going to sleep. To be continued.



end communication

Video of the Day: Who watches the Watchmen Edition

There are alot ofhaters that can't wait for this move to fail. I'm not one of them. Latest trailer for Watchmen.

BTW It's probably not a good idea to mess with the bald, blue guy who is glowing.

Video of the Day: Jessica Alba Stares you down Edition

www.ibeatyou.com was holding a staring contest and Jessica Alba has entered. Baron Davis also did some shit too.

Here is Alba's video. If you didn't think she was hot before, you will after this.

Video of the Day: Dumb Ass Sideline Reporter Edition

My beloved 49ers are sucking ass this season. Before being crushed by Seattle this Sunday, Brand New coach, Mike Singletary (who almost broke shithead TE Vernon Davis in half for fucking around during the game) was interviewed by Fox sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent.

She immediately steps in a STINKING PILE o' SHIT when she says to Singletary 'I heard you called your mentor Bill Walsh...'

Apparently she did not get the memo ...Bill Walsh died last year. The football field they are standing on has a plaque with his name on it...the 49ers named the field after him when he died.

Here is the news story at the Merc.

Oh yeah, there is fucking video of this worst sideline interview eva.

Fuck the Raiders

The Oakland Raiders got their ass-whupped on Sunday to their hated rival the Denver Broncos, 41-14.

Their Defensive Coordinator, Bob Ryan, had a rant after the game that is hysterically funny.

Here's one of the comments after that article:

RAIDER$EVER Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

IF KIFFIN IS FIRED AND RYAN STAYS IT MEANS AL DAVIS´S BUNGHOLE IS EXTRA JUICY BECAUSE OF ITS MANY LICKS…WHAT THE FCUK WAS THAT????

Ahhhhh Raider fans, you gotta love 'em.



end communication

Video of the Day: Cindy Lauper Rocking the Shit Edition

Cindy Lauper was one crazy biotch back in the day. When she released She's So Unusual in 1983, she blew up. Then she was with Capt Lou Albano in WrestleMania...she's a 80s icon man and I love her...but I have nothing but contempt for that other 80s 'Queen of Pop', the fuckhead Jezebel biotch of the First Order, Madonna.

Anyway, since 1985 Lauper has released a ton of albums, been acting and gaining a huge following amongst gay men. Those dudes are fiercely loyal to their icons, so she's up there with Betty, Cher, Kylie and Madonna now.

Lauper just cut a new record and one of the songs is the shit. Watch and enjoy.

BTW Cindy Lauper is fucking 55 years old now. Holy Shit.

Fucking SnapOffMode is playing with FIRE

Cpt Kirk can't die because Heaven isn't big enough for his BRASS BALLS

You know how you joke with your friends, but there are some areas are just off-limits? Well for me its the usual shit, it goes like this:

Don't talk shit about my wife, kids, family of course. Then it kind of veers off into a fucking area that will get you fucked up.

One of these areas is Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. I truly believe that he was the manliest man in the entire fucking galaxy. He would have kicked Chuck Norris's ass, then fucked Chuck Norris in the ass-not because he was gay, but because he was such a fucking bad ass and he was totally comfortable in his manliness.

So, I'm away from the blog for a bit and then I see this shit? WTF Foolio? It's all easy to clown on The Kirk. I mean, he's got his haters and shit. I thought SnapOffMode was a little more enlightened. I thought wrong. So for the next couple of weeks, keep a eye on this page. Motherfucker's are going to be broken off.

Pic of the Day: I found a pic of SnapOffMode's 'partner'

Holy shit. He asked me to find him a nice Japanese girl. I guess he got impatient and went to Thulsa Doom's Mountain of Power and found himself a new 'friend'

Joachim Noah and the Geico Cavemen: Separated at birth?

Joakim Noah has got to be one of the ugliest motherfuckers ever. Not just athletes, I'm talking about one of the ugliest humans on earth. So ugly that when his parents took him to the zoo, the zookeeper said "Thanks for bringing him back." I have photographic proof that Noah is in actuality a caveman. Maybe a Cro-Magnon, but probably a Neaderthal. Here is a mashup of Noah courtesy of dzyanks's blog:


-Note the teeth: He can eat a apple thru a chainlink fence
-Note the hair: Never cleaned, never cut so as to blend in with his native habitat
-Note the ugliness: Keep mirrors away from his face.

Now here are some Geico Cavemen:

And just for the hell of it, UnFrozen Caveman Lawyer from SNL:


The similarities are eerie. And don't tell me he's the kid of Yannick Noah and his mom is Ms Swiss 1978. That's nonsense. I have just proven that Noah is a fucking caveman. I think Noah should submit himself to scientific study at Standford's Department of Anthropology, or at least hire himself out for parties. Well on second thought, I think a clown has a smaller chance of getting shit thrown at him by scared kids than the missing Geico Caveman, Joakim Noah.

The Onion is one of the funniest sites on the web

Got this from The Onion. If you have never been there before, peruse the archives and read some of the funniest satire on the intertubes. They mainly wrote articles, but lately have started releasing 2 min videos of some fucking funny shit.

Here is one that you watch and sagely nod your head saying "No wonder I don't watch any of those punk ass news channels anymore." Funny as hell.


Breaking News: Something Happening In Haiti

I'm the nicest guy I know, did I tell you that?

Honestly, I don't go out of my way to buddy-fuck(Army speak for cock-block, stab in the back, shoot in the back, abandon to the clutches of a nasty beeyotch at the bar, you know what I mean) my friends. I don't mace people for staring at me the wrong way. And I 'repair' my buddie's XBOX 360 consoles for them, just for the hell of it.

So tonight I am just going to pat myself on the back because I FUCKING CAME THRU LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

Here's the scene at the casa around midnight:

Here's what your looking at:
1x hijacked Dell POS 3000 tower that I 'borrowed', gutted and reformatted
1x out of 3 Heinekins I drank that night trying to soothe my anger from throwing that fucking Dell POS 3000 out the fucking window onto Geary Blvd.
3x XBox 360 consoles that I lovingly 'repaired' for my Anh-Kap-ass cuzzo, Tigerkn33 and my new Pinoy-Pride cuzzo, Disco Stew.
1x PCI-SATA card that only fucking works in a Dell POS 3000 instead of my fucking handmade, godlike Computer that is so powerful fucking angels sing when I turn it on. [Does the Nghiemesis have to choke a mostherfucker at Newegg.com for selling him some bullshit SATA card? Do I got to take this shit to Resellerratings.com? Gotta think on that.]

This process is so fucking convoluted, I was going to go Lindsey Lohan and fuck somebody up on the street. But I chilled, cracked open another Heineken and figured shit out.

Well, like always, The Nghiemesis comes thru again. So I had to post this shit. These two fools will be getting their shit soon. When they turn on their 360s, when the fans inside start roaring again, they will whisper the name: The Nghiemesis motherfucker, the Nghiemesis.

NBA Draft Lottery: Embrace to Suck you beeyotches in Boston and Memphis

Its Official: The sky is falling, it has started to rain frogs and shit, the river water is turning to motherfucking blood in Memphis and Boston. Has the Apocalypse begun? Naww, today the NBA Draft Lottery took place and those two cities took a kick to the collective sports nuts. The reason there is a draft lottery in the first place is that teams do not tank games to purpose to try to position themselves higher draft position. Someone forgot to tell Memphis and Boston that. In the closing days of this past season, these two sad sack franchises put on a display of 'winning by losing' that would have shamed Pete Rose. It was pathetic watch these two teams 'compete' for the worst record in the league for a shot at Greg Oden or Kevin Durant. Boston GM Danny Ainge about creamed his pants and shit trying to shmooze Durant's mom at the Final Four. Shit was so blatant that the NBA had to publically call his ass out. Coach Doc Rivers benched starters with 'injuries' for the last 10 fucking games. Memphis canned their coach and hired some shmuck named Tony Barone? You tell me if your can even point to Memphis on the map much less name the head coach of the Grizzlies.

The city of Memphis is just fucking pathetic. Look at these headlines leading up to today:

Why the Grizzlies NEED to win the lottery

In the NBA, one player can make a difference

When pursuing top pick, it helps to have a little heart

Here's why the Grizzlies want the No. 1 pick so badly

Jesus, why don't the hicks in Memphis just get off their knees and and their lips off of David Stern's dick. These headlines just scream "We suck, we are just a town of broke-dick ass-slack-jawed-yokels, please oh please give us a good pick in the lottery?" You know I'm not surprised-90% of the population of Memphis are used to playing the real lottery every payday anyway. Fucking losers. Memphis sounds like a town that if your from there and someone asks about your childhood, you lie and tell them your from Dallas or some shit. What a shitty sports town. the name of their piss-ant newspaper is the Memphis Commercial Appeal. WTF Foolio? Is that a goddamn business trade magazine or the only major newspaper in Memphis?

But Boston is a different in a altogether more unpleasantly pathetic way. Here are some choice quotes from the Boston Globe website within 30 minutes of the fucking lottery ending:

Bob Ryan, columnist-

Who did what to whom? Was it decided that 16 championships in 30 years was somehow unfair and obscene and that enough was enough and the Celtics are never going to get another break again and that's that?

Because that's what it looks like. Nothing else can explain how the Celtics continue to suffer the wrath of powerful unseen forces determined to make their lives miserable.

Peter May, columnist-

After salivating for months over the prospect of either Oden or Durant wearing Celtic green for seasons to come, Danny Ainge and Co. were dealt a hammer blow by the Ping-Pong balls. The Celtics will end picking up fifth -- the worst-case scenario -- in next month's draft.

Jesse Nunes-

The Ultimate Nightmare has come through for Celtics fans. Not only do we miss out on the two guys who are head-and-shoulders above everyone else in this draft, but we miss out on the next two best players after that. Al Horford and Yi Jianlian may not even be possibilities now.

Number 5? Are you kidding me? Even the most pessimistic Celtics fan couldn't have envisioned such a catastrophic result.

and some comments from Celtic fans:

Here's to another decade of missing the playoffs.

I swear to god I knew we had the 5th pick. It is sick I turned it off.

GOD I FEEL SO NAUSEOUS!!!!!!!!!

For god's sake FIRE DANNY! The one thing he's been able to do was tank the season, and that got us a fifth pick. FIRE DANNY NOW!!!

just sickening....they can not catch a break. This makes me sick to my stomach....see you in another 10 years.

My house is like a morgue right now. This is one of the darkest days in Boston sports history.

Its because that moron tommy heinson was there, i was hoping he would have a heart attack when they showed we had the 5th pick

Jesus, you'd think the president died frmo all the moaning, bitching, lamenting of the Celtic faithful.

I love the NBA. After 16 years of suckitude from the Golden State Warriors, Boston Celtic fans can now bend over and get the broomstick for a change--assholes.

End Communication

HR motherfuckers can suck a phat dick straight up PART-II.

AIght continuing my meeting from hell with HR idiot/beeyotch...


Our HR lady is actually some girl-I think she was probably chinese or something, tells us that they made some changes to our HR plans and that we would truly benefit from them. And then she looks up at us like she just dropped the 11th Commandment or something. There's this fucking pregnant silence for like 20 seconds as everyone waits for her to expand on this fucking statement like any normal person. But she doesn't and starts wrapping up the fucking meeting!

I don't say shit in meetings. If I got a question, I'll ask but I'm not one to open my mouth. So HR Beeyotch wraps up the meeting in less than 20 minutes. Fuck-it took her longer to drive here from fucking Oakland airport. I'm fucking stupified. You came all the way up here for this shit? Just because your sorry ass was late as hell and fucked up like a soup sandwich?

I'm not even talking about this sorry ass anymore. Fuck all HR people-they deserve all the shit they get.

End Communication.

HR motherfuckers can suck a phat dick straight up PART I.

You know what I'm talking about. HR motherfuckers, wherever you work, are motherfucking beeyotches.

They walk around like their shit don't stink, like your fucking supposed to lick their boots if you ever need something like changing your address.

I'll tell you a story of a HR beeyotch that just happened to me. We are supposed to have a meeting last week with the HR reps from the home office right. Well, the meeting didn't go as planned.
First off, HR beeyotch came a half hour late, flying up from Southern California. WTF foolio?

Everyone's waiting around for the meeting to start so the beeyotch can't get set-up properly. She's got some slides she wants to show, but didn't bring a fucking projector or even ask if we had one. Do we have one at our office? Hell yeah, but idiot HR skank is too embarrassed to ask So what does she do? Fucking set-up her laptop on one end of the conference room table and points at it as she talks. Dumb-Ass, your Powerpoint demo looks like shit when motherfuckers got to squint to see what the fuck your talking about.

Damn, I got to continue this shit in Part II-When HR Skank REALLY fucks up

Sorry everyone, I've been slipping

I know that I have not posted at the rate that I want and my millions of Hulkamaniacs need, but real life has a way of butting it's ugly face in my shit.

You see, I'm on my way to Thailand for a....ahhh...little vacation. On this vacation I'm going to meet with some doctors...err friends that will help me with a problem that I have had since I was a kid. You see when your born with both male and female genitalia you...um...sorry, I've said too much.

Let's just say that when I get back, things are going to be a little different...WTF Foolio will be getting a little injection of Vitamin E...E as in Estrogen.

The butterfly will be coming out of the cocoon...

hahahaahahah

Fooled ya. This foolio is relocating to a new crib and thats taken up alot of my spare time after work. Trust me, even in a tiny apt, you accumulate hella shit in three years. I'll be back and if your mug soon enough. End communication

Here's the difference between White People and Asians

Sorry everyone about the absence all week. There's some straight shit coming your way from the Nghiemesis these coming days.

Now, on to the show...

Everyone saw what that twisted freak did in Virginia on Monday. And like all asians, my fucking jaw dropped on Tuesday when it turned out the motherfucker was asian. Fuck! Now we got one of them-a fucking mass murderer on our hands just like the white folks. But there's a huge difference-Cho's family know when to fess up and take responsibilty for their deranged kin. Today the family of that-fucker-that-is-burning-in-Hell issued a heartfelt apology to everyone.

On behalf of our family, we are so deeply sorry for the devastation my brother has caused. No words can express our sadness that 32 innocent people lost their lives this week in such a terrible, senseless tragedy. We are heartbroken.

We grieve alongside the families, the Virginia Tech community, our State of Virginia, and the rest of the nation. And, the world.

Now contrast this with the parents of those fuckwads Klebold and Harris after the Columbine Massacre. Harris' parents have not said shit since it happened and Klebold's parents said this shit:

"Dylan (Klebold) did not do this because of the way he was raised," Susan Klebold told columnist David Brooks in Saturday's editions of The New York Times. "He did it in contradiction to the way he was raised."

"I haven't done anything for which I need forgiveness, Susan Klebold said."

WTF? Are these white people fucking clueless? No more than 5 days after their son goes on the worst rampage ever, his family is profusely apologizing for his actions. 8 years after Columbine and the parents still have not apologized for the actions of their twisted progeny. Fucking people.

I'd like to sign off with one more quote from the Cho family statement

Every day since April 16, my father, mother and I pray for students Ross Abdallah Alameddine, Brian Roy Bluhm, Ryan Christopher Clark, Austin Michelle Cloyd, Matthew Gregory Gwaltney, Caitlin Millar Hammaren, Jeremy Michael Herbstritt, Rachael Elizabeth Hill, Emily Jane Hilscher, Jarrett Lee Lane, Matthew Joseph La Porte, Henry J. Lee, Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan, Lauren Ashley McCain, Daniel Patrick O'Neil, J. Ortiz-Ortiz, Minal Hiralal Panchal, Daniel Alejandro Perez, Erin Nicole Peterson, Michael Steven Pohle, Jr., Julia Kathleen Pryde, Mary Karen Read, Reema Joseph Samaha, Waleed Mohamed Shaalan, Leslie Geraldine Sherman, Maxine Shelly Turner, Nicole White, Instructor Christopher James Bishop, and Professors Jocelyne Couture-Nowak, Kevin P. Granata, Liviu Librescu and G.V. Loganathan.

R.I.P. to the fallen

Road/Cell Phone Rage in South Korea: Korean dude pulls a Terminator

I don't know about you, but if my cell phone isn't working, I'm not driving my S500 Mercedes through the front door of T-Mobile in a fit of rage. This dude must have been kinda pissed off.

Apparently since 'Kims' phone didn't work too well, even though he was told they would replace it with a newer model, after getting the brush off from SK Telecom 16 times over the phone, dude camped the car outside SK Telecom's corporate HQ with some signs lamenting his problem. Oh man, this guys already a nut. Dude was told to leave.

He pulled a fucking Terminator ("I'll Be Back") and rams the fucking Mercedes thru the front lobby. He did not get out and commence to shoot up the location looking for Sarah Connor fortunately.



Here's the kicker: The car wasn't his, it was his friend's.